I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did I show you my penis last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
