I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
