You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
