glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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