She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
