In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
