I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
