Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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