did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
