break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
