just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
