and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
