I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
