I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
