I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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