The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
