I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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