there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
