Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
