now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
