how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
