He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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