They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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