Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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