I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
