I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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