Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
