Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
