wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
