he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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