he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
