P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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