paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
