his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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