This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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