maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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