My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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