I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
