Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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