I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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