someone get that fucking seahorse.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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