I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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