A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
