i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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