umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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