apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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