i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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