Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
