Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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