I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
