coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
