In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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